


Dull

by 1DE3shipper



Series: 100 Writing Prompts [56]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Hopeful Ending, POV Liam, Self-Harm, Triggers, really sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-26
Updated: 2014-04-26
Packaged: 2018-01-20 21:50:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1526960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1DE3shipper/pseuds/1DE3shipper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>Life was monotonous.  Every day was the same endless cycle of a too-early alarm followed by a blind rush to the bus, surviving school in a lonely haze, robotically doing just enough homework to get by, and trying to calm my racing brain long enough to get some sleep before doing it all again.  Blind, robotic, lonely, survival; that was my life, and I didn't know if I could do it anymore.</em>
</p>
<p>Liam's fallen into a dark place, and only the care of one certain boy will be able to get him out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dull

Life was monotonous. Every day was the same endless cycle of a too-early alarm followed by a blind rush to the bus, surviving school in a lonely haze, robotically doing just enough homework to get by, and trying to calm my racing brain long enough to get some sleep before doing it all again. Blind, robotic, lonely, survival; that was my life, and I didn't know if I could do it anymore.

I was so tired of not feeling, of darkness, of dullness. I just wanted something. Anything. I just needed to feel. 

That's when it started.

When it became clear that nothing would be able to make me happy, I resorted to the other end: pain. It was easy, really. Just banging my arm against a desk every few seconds seemed to do the job for a while, and I felt an odd sense of pride whenever bruises formed. It wasn't enough, though, because soon it too became part of the routine and I went right back to feeling hopeless. I needed more. 

I knew what happened next. 

My parents weren't home, at some work dinner for my dad or something, so I was alone. I took a shower. That was when it was easiest for me to cry, when I had the water from the shower head to mask my tears. My head was clouded when I saw my razor and I wondered for a moment if I really could. I did. I felt sick to my stomach but somehow I felt better too. It was freeing, in a sense, but even that couldn't last forever.

It became an addiction. It happened more and more frequently and in too short of a time it too became part of my life, just like everything else. I didn't know what else to do, so I didn't. I cried some more when I was alone, tried to hide it all in public, the typical story. It scared me how much I was becoming like those depressed teenagers that you read about committing suicide, especially because the thought had crossed my mind on many an occasion. Who would miss me? It's not like I had any friends, I had a small but not very close family, I doubted most of my school even noticed I exist. I started planning, like seriously planning, when I was seventeen. I would daydream in class (my grades long forgotten) about all the possible ways I could off myself that day. No one noticed, I thought.

I thought.

There was one boy, a very shy boy who didn't have many friends, either. I was sitting by myself, as usual, banging my wrist against the underside of the lunch table–since that's all I could actually do at school–when I felt a soft hand on mine.

"You're worth more than that, you know," he said quietly, avoiding eye contact at first. I just shrugged. What did he know? We had never spoken before, he didn't know what I'm like, whether I'm worth it or not.

"You are," he was more firm this time, golden eyes staring into mine. "And I'm gonna show you, if you'll let me. Will you let me?"

I was speechless. For the first time in what felt like years, someone seemed to care. Really care. And in that moment, it was worth it. Just to have the feeling of another hand in mine was enough and I could even feel myself give a small smile. How long had it been since I smiled? He smiled back but didn't say anything else. We didn't speak for the rest of the hour but our hands remained entwined until the bell rang and we had to go our separate ways. To my surprise, he was already waiting for me at my locker after school, too, and I felt my heart skip a beat. Everything about him was so new, it was like nothing I had ever felt before.

I had been living in total darkness but now I could see a light. It was still faint but I was running towards it with all my power. Zayn would save me.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think?


End file.
